Sunday, July 21, 2013

Frozen in the Egg Aisle

     I've been studying food policy in grad school for almost a year now.

     Whew.  That feels like a long time when I type it like that.

     But the truth is that I've been learning about how food is organized, labeled, and kept safe to be sold - on governmental levels of all sizes, and when I sit down to think about it, I really do know a LOT about our food system.  I thought I knew it was broken before - turns out, I didn't even know the start of it.
     I've learned a lot about labeling - how all those words get onto your milk, meat, and prepackaged salad bags.  Every word is the result of a regulation.  Some mean something very specific ("Certified USDA Organic"), some mean something a little less specific ("cage free"), and some - sorry to break it to you - mean absolutely nothing at all ("all natural").

     (Sorry if I just made you cry when you scurried off to your pantry/fridge to see lots of foods with the "all natural" label on them...I'll post about it later, it has absolutely no regulation, effectively making it an absolutely useless value claim.)

     Anyway - the point is, I've been learning a lot, but as I'm running 16-18 hours of every day between work and school, training for my marathon, singing at church, and having some semblance of a social life, up to this point, my eating hasn't changed that much.  (The one big exception here is clearly my purchase of a CSA this summer, which I will also post about later).  Though I know about values claims on labels on foods, I'm living a pretty standard "what is the most convenient, nutritious food that I can get for the lowest price?"
     Now, I've always eaten eggs.  My mother raised me on them, and since I don't tend to cook a ton of meat at my house, I've always seen them as a great source of protein for not that much money.  While I've eaten farm-fresh straight-out-the-chicken eggs (and they are INCREDIBLE - if you haven't had that egg eating experience, find a farmer right now, and buy some eggs from him/her. (If you need help locating a farmer, the USDA is here to help you with their Know Your Farmer, Know Your Food website)  You won't regret it) I don't have the time to seek out/go to a farmers' market here in Boston to find those eggs here.  Thus - I eat store bought eggs.
     I eat a LOT of eggs.  If I'm making most of my meals at home, I could take down a dozen eggs in three to four days.  (I usually don't, but that's just because I don't want to be going to the grocery store that often).  As a combination of loving eggs, and loving finding good food at grocery stores for cheap (THAT is just a combination of my frugal nature, loving deals/steals/couponing, and not feeling guilty for buying food because, well, I have to eat) I have always just bought the cheapest eggs at the grocery store - the large, white, store brand "normal" eggs.  Usually they're between $1.19 and $1.99.  Not a bad deal for a few days worth of protein.

     So, it was about a week ago, and I hadn't been in a grocery store for a while (an result of the CSA).  I had no eggs at home, and was walking towards my apartment from campus.  I was right next to the Star Market, so I went in there for a few things instead of going to Trader Joe's like I usually do.  I walked back to the egg section, imagining grabbing a dozen of Star Market's finest.  I stopped in front of the refrigerated case, and was instantly so overwhelmed.  The cheap eggs were $1.29 - a great deal!  And yet, this is what was flashing in my head -


     Now, I have known my entire life about the realities of egg production in huge industrial systems.  And it's terrible, but it's never changed the reality that I want my eggs, and I don't always have $5 to hand to a farmer who I know isn't keeping his/her chickens this way.  To cut to the chase, whether or not it should, knowing has never changed my mind before.  And yet, there I was, standing in front of that case, and I couldn't even look at those $1.29 eggs.
     So, I turned to my other choices - and by golly, there were a TON of other choices, ranging from $1.99 to $5.49 a dozen.  I was assaulted by labels like:
  • certified organic
  • all natural
  • omega-3 enriched
  • cage free
  • free range
  • humanely raised
  • vitamin D enriched
     These were in all sorts of combinations, and appeared on both brown and white eggs, all toting supposed health benefits, when, really, all I wanted was some cheap protein.  But, since I knew what all these words meant (and which meant anything at all) as I was standing there, I knew I was going to just have to figure it out.

     It took me the better part of 20 minutes to do it.

     I ended up with Born Free brand Free Range Certified Humanely Raised and Handled Omega 3+D brown eggs.  They were on sale for $3.49, and I felt good about leaving the store with them in my bag.  But as I was walking home, I realized that this was the beginning - that the things that I learned in class were no longer just things I knew in my head, and could easily separate from the life that I led outside of class.
     It is terrifying.  I've come to terms that my cooking and eating habits have just taken a turn for the educated, and that means a whole lot more thinking about my food outside of class, and inside my kitchen.  I guess it's just the moment when the learning becomes synonymous with my actions.  Scary - but exciting - as all important life decisions are.

     And that's where I'm at now.  Actually taking a really hard look at what I'm buying when I go to the grocery store.  And, in effect, going to the grocery store a whole lot less.

     So, go - check out your egg section the next time you're at the store.  Even if you buy the cheap eggs, look at the other ones.  Learn about values claims on eggs - what all those terms mean, who is regulating them, what the laws are in your state/city/region.  Even if it hasn't before, it might change your mind this time.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Emo poetry gots to go!

Uuuuuuugh.  This blog is so emo-y these days.  I sincerely apologize for that.  Gross.

While I totally support my own emotional needs to be sad, and mad, and weepy, I honestly don't think that I need to emote all over you guys.  Everything that has happened/been happening with Chris over the last two months is done, it's final, and while I know that I'm not going to be "moving on" anytime soon, I need to turn to another medium for my terrible "I'll never love again"/"my entire life plan was just decimated in a conversation on the way to the airport" sappy poetry.  So...

I'm so busy these days.  And perhaps in the interest of just being me, and the need to be busy, and partly in the interest of attempting to keep my mind off of being sad, I'm totally overloading myself.

BUT, it won't be that way forever (HA!).  And I have plans galore for this blog.  LOTS OF PLANS.

Like making it really focused on food and food issues (because, come on, I mean, that's what I'm all into these days) and other things.

But mostly that I'm going to take a short break from this blog, in order to finish my online class, finish my BU classes, and take a fucking breath for a hot second.

Don't panic.  I'll be back before you know it.  Seriously.

Love, Bethy

Monday, April 1, 2013

The Freshman

When I was young I knew everything
She a punk who rarely ever took advice
Now I'm guilt stricken,
Sobbing with my head on the floor
Stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

My best friend took a week's
Vacation to forget her
His girl took a weeks's worth of
Valium and slept
And now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his
Head on the floor
Thinks about her now and how he never really
Wept he says

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

hey yeah 
hey yeah
hey yeah 

We've tried to wash our hands of all this
We never talk of our lacking relationships
And how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our
Heads on the floor
We fell through the ice when we tried not to
Slip, we'd say

I can't be held responsible
She was touching her face
And I won't be held responsible
She fell in love in the first place

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and
We'd never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe
We'd ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen
We were merely freshmen

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

life these days...

is a emotive and confusing thing.

I am relearning how to exist on a different plane, and in a different place than I have for the last two and a half years, and say what you will about the ups and down that had been happening in the recent months, this time it's different, and this time it's real.

Where my brain is at in terms of life plan has had to change in a huge way, faster than I could have ever imagined, just to keep up with what's going on in real life.  It's terrifying.  At times, it feels so contrived, that it can't be true, and I wake up from daymares to realize that yes, this is what has happened.

I am not unsure about my own self-worth, or my ability to take on the world.  That does not mean I'm not confused, not scared, not furious at feeling at one time both sadness and anger at this change.  I thought things were more clear, and yet it seems that I have to explain the explanations - that for all the clear clarifications in the world still left gaps.

And saying that I'm "sad" does my feelings no justice.  I am so much more than "sad"  and so much less.  And I have leaned on everyone I can, for ever time a shoulder has been offered, I've needed one.

The Bethy that existed before doesn't anymore, and she won't be back.  As fresh, as hurtful as this is, it lends itself to stitching up my own heart, piece by piece, in hopes that someday I'll be able to call it complete again.

I don't know when that will be...I hope sooner rather than later...but I don't know.

Bear with me.

Monday, February 18, 2013

and in the end

and in the end
the love you take
is equal to
the love
you make

Friday, February 15, 2013

this is my life

split into pieces
segments
at times making no sense

when the point is hidden
not to be realized for days
weeks
years

years.

friendships that vary
from solid starts
to rocky roads
and those that lie in between
sitting, like rocks that you can't quite tell if they're going to support your weight
or tip when you step, sliding down to a more steady place

when they don't, it's usually not a surprise
but when they do...

it feels amazing.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

who would have thought...

     8 years ago today, I was a senior in high school.  I had just decided that I would be going to the University of San Francisco for Performing Arts and Social Justice in the fall, and I was excited...and absolutely terrified.  I had never lived anywhere except Lacey, WA, the only international trip I had ever gone on was to Canada, and I had never flown on a plane by myself.
     I would have never guessed that 8 years later I would be sitting here, in Boston, in graduate school - after living in and loving California, Ireland, Mexico, Alaska, New Jersey, and North Carolina.  How could I have imagined moving myself, my life, my things across the country - and world - so many times, and finding the most excellent people on my journeys.  I had no idea...
   
     That 17 year old senior had no clue what it was like to get her heart broken (like REALLY broken), though she thought she had a good idea...she had no idea how her perceptions of herself, ever growing, ever changing, would make her a stronger person.  She didn't realize that not everything is black and white, and that just because it's not right for her, that doesn't mean it's wrong for someone else.
     But most of all, she had no way of knowing just how strong she could be.  Lacey, it turns out, didn't push her much.  But the other places did.  And she responded to the pushing and the pulling by being more flexible than that 17 year old ever thought was possible.  (And then, when the time for flexibility was over, she stood up strong, and took no one's crap).
     Some of the things that used to make her heart dance still do, and she had discovered a whole host of other things that bring her joy.  She couldn't have known that the joys would get better, and the disappointments would get worse, but that, after a while, this wouldn't be a surprise anymore.
     She would be able to advocate for herself in times of stress or confrontation.  She would still feel like crying if she felt confronted, but she would eventually stop being embarrassed about it, and would be able to own her tears, and stop them from weakening her.  She would find that the emotional freedom that comes from crying is worth its weight in gold.
     And she didn't realize that time goes so fast, and that's not a reason to hide inside and hoard it, but instead to take it all in and make as much of it as she can.  Cause life - it's happening.  And you never know when that's going to end.  Carpe Diem, 17 year old Bethy.  These last 8 years have been fucking amazing.  Here's to a whole bunch more...

Love, Bethy

PS.  There is one thing that the 17 year old was really good at, though, that the 25 year old is very good at too - procrastinating on homework, hahaha.  No, but seriously.  Ugh.