and in the end
the love you take
is equal to
the love
you make
Monday, February 18, 2013
Friday, February 15, 2013
this is my life
split into pieces
segments
at times making no sense
when the point is hidden
not to be realized for days
weeks
years
years.
friendships that vary
from solid starts
to rocky roads
and those that lie in between
sitting, like rocks that you can't quite tell if they're going to support your weight
or tip when you step, sliding down to a more steady place
when they don't, it's usually not a surprise
but when they do...
it feels amazing.
segments
at times making no sense
when the point is hidden
not to be realized for days
weeks
years
years.
friendships that vary
from solid starts
to rocky roads
and those that lie in between
sitting, like rocks that you can't quite tell if they're going to support your weight
or tip when you step, sliding down to a more steady place
when they don't, it's usually not a surprise
but when they do...
it feels amazing.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
who would have thought...
8 years ago today, I was a senior in high school. I had just decided that I would be going to the University of San Francisco for Performing Arts and Social Justice in the fall, and I was excited...and absolutely terrified. I had never lived anywhere except Lacey, WA, the only international trip I had ever gone on was to Canada, and I had never flown on a plane by myself.
I would have never guessed that 8 years later I would be sitting here, in Boston, in graduate school - after living in and loving California, Ireland, Mexico, Alaska, New Jersey, and North Carolina. How could I have imagined moving myself, my life, my things across the country - and world - so many times, and finding the most excellent people on my journeys. I had no idea...
That 17 year old senior had no clue what it was like to get her heart broken (like REALLY broken), though she thought she had a good idea...she had no idea how her perceptions of herself, ever growing, ever changing, would make her a stronger person. She didn't realize that not everything is black and white, and that just because it's not right for her, that doesn't mean it's wrong for someone else.
But most of all, she had no way of knowing just how strong she could be. Lacey, it turns out, didn't push her much. But the other places did. And she responded to the pushing and the pulling by being more flexible than that 17 year old ever thought was possible. (And then, when the time for flexibility was over, she stood up strong, and took no one's crap).
Some of the things that used to make her heart dance still do, and she had discovered a whole host of other things that bring her joy. She couldn't have known that the joys would get better, and the disappointments would get worse, but that, after a while, this wouldn't be a surprise anymore.
She would be able to advocate for herself in times of stress or confrontation. She would still feel like crying if she felt confronted, but she would eventually stop being embarrassed about it, and would be able to own her tears, and stop them from weakening her. She would find that the emotional freedom that comes from crying is worth its weight in gold.
And she didn't realize that time goes so fast, and that's not a reason to hide inside and hoard it, but instead to take it all in and make as much of it as she can. Cause life - it's happening. And you never know when that's going to end. Carpe Diem, 17 year old Bethy. These last 8 years have been fucking amazing. Here's to a whole bunch more...
Love, Bethy
PS. There is one thing that the 17 year old was really good at, though, that the 25 year old is very good at too - procrastinating on homework, hahaha. No, but seriously. Ugh.
I would have never guessed that 8 years later I would be sitting here, in Boston, in graduate school - after living in and loving California, Ireland, Mexico, Alaska, New Jersey, and North Carolina. How could I have imagined moving myself, my life, my things across the country - and world - so many times, and finding the most excellent people on my journeys. I had no idea...
That 17 year old senior had no clue what it was like to get her heart broken (like REALLY broken), though she thought she had a good idea...she had no idea how her perceptions of herself, ever growing, ever changing, would make her a stronger person. She didn't realize that not everything is black and white, and that just because it's not right for her, that doesn't mean it's wrong for someone else.
But most of all, she had no way of knowing just how strong she could be. Lacey, it turns out, didn't push her much. But the other places did. And she responded to the pushing and the pulling by being more flexible than that 17 year old ever thought was possible. (And then, when the time for flexibility was over, she stood up strong, and took no one's crap).
Some of the things that used to make her heart dance still do, and she had discovered a whole host of other things that bring her joy. She couldn't have known that the joys would get better, and the disappointments would get worse, but that, after a while, this wouldn't be a surprise anymore.
She would be able to advocate for herself in times of stress or confrontation. She would still feel like crying if she felt confronted, but she would eventually stop being embarrassed about it, and would be able to own her tears, and stop them from weakening her. She would find that the emotional freedom that comes from crying is worth its weight in gold.
And she didn't realize that time goes so fast, and that's not a reason to hide inside and hoard it, but instead to take it all in and make as much of it as she can. Cause life - it's happening. And you never know when that's going to end. Carpe Diem, 17 year old Bethy. These last 8 years have been fucking amazing. Here's to a whole bunch more...
Love, Bethy
PS. There is one thing that the 17 year old was really good at, though, that the 25 year old is very good at too - procrastinating on homework, hahaha. No, but seriously. Ugh.
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