It's a New Year! 2014!

So, you knew there would be one - a New Year's post, a resolution post, all the lists of things that I thought I was going to do in 2013.

Well, at the risk of being melodramatic, if you know anything about my life at all, you know that where my life was headed at the beginning and end of 2013 couldn't be more different.  And so, in respect to those changes, some of which I take responsibility for, and others which happened to me, I'm not going to go over last year's list and evaluate myself according to a standard that no longer exists.

Instead, I'm going to proudly state some of the things that I did in 2013.  I did these things to become a better, kinder, smarter, fitter, more amazing me.  And I'm pretty convinced that it worked.

In 2013...

I RAN A MARATHON!

You wouldn't believe me if I told you how happy I was
during this entire race...it was more than a little weird.

If you had told me a year ago that I would finish a marathon, I probably would have laughed and said that it was a fun idea, but that it was probably not the most realistic thing that I had ever thought of.  Fast-forward to September 28th, mile 25, and this picture is what you get.  I will publicly admit that if Chris had not dumped me, I would have never have done this.  I wouldn't have grasped at something, anything to make my life make sense again - a challenge that, in truth, I myself didn't even take seriously until about June.  Regardless of reason, I found myself in training for this race.  I found my strength, I found my willpower.  I identified the places in my life where I had been sweeping things under the rug and I unearthed them.

It seems so incredibly cliche to say that training for this race gave me all those things.  Probably it is.  But I don't care.  Because conquering something so impossible allowed me to believe that I can do the same with other "impossible" things.

And then I finished the marathon.  I had run the whole thing, no walking.  I had passed people who looked more fit than me.  I sang while running.  And I was so filled with joy through it all that I couldn't help but but smile.  I crossed the finish line with "I got the eye of the tiger, the fighter, dancing through the fire, cause I am a champion, and you're gonna hear me roar" blasting into my ears four hours, 43 minutes, and 45 seconds after I crossed the same line to start the race.

It remains, to this day, the proudest moment of my life.  (Probably that'll change when I have a kid, but it'll be there until then...)

I DISCOVERED WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE!

Like serious, actual dream-job type stuff.  Like if I could have the best job that I could ever imagine for the rest of my life.  

Now WHOA THERE.  I'm not saying that I have this job, or that I know who does, or even that this job exists...but I know what it is I want to do, and where and how that job will fit into the food world, and knowing what I want is most of the battle.  For more information on how I've been destroying "impossible" things and making them work for me, see above entry about marathon running.  :)

I STARTED WEARING MY HAIR DOWN MORE!

I have long hair.  I've always had long hair.  And I love my long hair.  But it can get in the way sometimes...

In 2013, I really started to wear my hair down in everyday life, not just for holidays...for proof...

February - tromping around in Nemo snow

March - at a party with my cousin Courtney

October - the three Irish lasses reunite for SB's fabulous wedding

October - with USF besties around the North End

May - beers after the Brooklyn half-marathon

I HIKED!

I'm just going to say it.  I never thought I would love to hike.  And there was a lot of potential for this love of hiking that happened at the end of 2011 and in 2012 in North Carolina.  But for whatever reason, I wouldn't admit to myself that it was something that I enjoyed doing and wanted to do more of.  Sure, while I was hiking I'd like it, but there was something about the thought of it before I went that didn't appeal to me.  Yeah, I know.  I didn't understand it either.  Well - that's all changed now.

For evidence, I give you this:

BOOM.

Ok, ok, ok.  So that's all good and fine.  All those things I did.  Sure.  So what's to come you ask?

Well, lots.

LOTS.

I'm always setting goals, making lists, etc etc etc.  And 2014 will be no different.

Here are my New Year's Resolutions for 2014:

1.  In 2014, I will do something new every day.

That sounds ridiculous.  And hard.  And maybe impossible.  But I'm going to try.  I'm writing them all down, and on December 31, I will have a list of 365 things that I did in 2014 that I had never done before in my life.  They don't have to be big things, they don't have to be extravagant or expensive or even good or fun things.  But everyday, I'm going to stretch my human experience and let something new in.

2.  In 2014, I will (finally!) open up my esty shop.

You guys - it's so close.  And yes, I know that I've been saying that for (literally) years.  But it's going to happen this year.  Probably in like a month or so...keep your eyes peeled for that one.

3.  In 2014, I will try to be better at keeping in touch with people who I love who don't live near me.

This is something that I've been wanting to get better at, but maybe I just needed a little New Year push.  I have so many friends that I love more than anything else in the world.  But I am busy, and sometimes I justify keeping less contact with them because of that busyness.  Well, I'm just going to call myself out on this one.  That's bullshit.  I need to be better at showing the people that I love that I love them - from across the city, state, nation, or world.

4.  In 2014, I will give online dating a good, honest, solid, uncynical try.

Ugh.  I know.  But hey - I'm 26, I'm not getting any younger, and then gentlemen in bars in this area aren't the greatest...so, I've decided that I need to give online dating an uncynical try.  For 3 months, I will actually try to do this without being a sourpuss about it.  We'll see, haha.

4.  In 2014, I will create things.

I know.  This sounds super hippie and ambiguous.  Well, I was thinking a few months ago about high school.  When I was in high school, I had a poem published in a poetry anthology, I choreographed a dance concert, and I wrote a piece of music for a string trio.  I created things.  All the time.  And I don't do that anymore.  That needs to change.  Now my life consists of writing academic papers and reading scholarship.  Which is great, but not if it comes at the expense of putting my own artistic creativity out into the world.  So, my goal is to create something every month of 2014.  To write or play or dance or draw or or or....to do something, to make something.

In all, if 2014 turns out to be anything like the last 5 months of 2013, I'm in for a wild, amazing ride.  I'm excited.  Bring it on, 2014!

Love, Bethy

Too furious not to post

Ok.  So I tried to ignore this.  I tried to read this, and be silently a) disgusted and b) sad.  To chalk it up to someone who I don't know doing something I didn't want them to do because I didn't think it was good for them.  And it sat.  And marinated.

And I found myself coming back to this article, and becoming a) more incensed with every moment and b) so so SO sad.

When I was living in Alaska, I worked in a domestic violence and sexual assault shelter for a year.  Now, I don't know everything there is to know about abusive relationships, but I do know a lot.  Probably more than your average citizen.  I've attended trainings and classes about abusive relationships, as well as spending a lot of time being and speaking with women who have endured unbelievable experiences of abuse - both physical and emotional.  I have heard stories that made my blood run cold hearing about the power that someone can hold over another person.

Now, I know that you're wondering - where's the food connection?  Why are we talking about this?

Well, I'm sure that most of you have heard about the 300 sandwiches lady.  (If not - here's an article that should catch you right up.)

I have a few things to say about this.  No, scratch that - I have a few things to say to Stephanie Smith.

1.  If, in fact, you are serious about this - if you really do feel that a partner saying to you "you've been awake for 15 minutes and haven't made me a sandwich?" in a serious manner, like, he means it - for reals - is ok, then girl, please GET OUT NOW.  Relationships take many forms, and every one is different, but power dynamics like this have no place in a healthy relationship.  I repeat - this is not a healthy relationship.  It doesn't matter if your man cooks the rest of the time or not.  It's just. not. ok.

2.  If this is not serious - if you're joking about the whole thing, just doing this for a book or movie deal, or came up with this while you were bored one night sitting in front of the TV with your man, I'm sad that you're willing to claim your 15 minutes of fame with something that could be so hurtful as to normalize abusive behavior, and to put it on the internet in such a display.  According to the National Council Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 4 women in the United States will experience intimate partner violence in their lifetime.  Let that sink in for a second.  1 in 4.  If 1,000 people look at your website, that means that 250 have lived through violence by a partner, or are currently in a relationship with a skewed power dynamic.  Your insistence of normalizing the interactions that you have with your partner could be harmful on a HUGE scale.  You and your partner may think that this is all good and fun and casual, but there are so many women living in relationships where their partners say these things and mean them.

3.  I'm really upset that the kitchen is the place where these skewed gender relations are taking place.  I'm more upset that sandwiches are the object in question.  The phrase "make me a sandwich" is a charged one.  To many, it lies on the same plane as "women should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen."  It has become somewhat of a joke because of the obvious mysoginistic undertones.  Because now, in 2013, we assume that no one would say these things with any seed of seriousness.  It feels awful to see these words being acted upon seriously, even if they are not said in that way.

4.  I love to cook for others.  I love to make sandwiches.  When I was living with my ex-boyfriend, I cooked for him often.  And yes, sometimes he asked me to make him food.  But he never commanded me to do it.  And if he had ever put the development of our relationship on the table in exchange??  It's too far, it's offensive to women, it's offensive to people who have been abused, it's offensive to everyone in a relationship who cooks for their partner.


The internet has exploded with comments about this article.  Many people are angry.  Some just want to eat all the sandwiches that Ms. Smith is making.  I'm alright with being angry AND wanting to eat those sammies.  They do, in fact, look delicious.  But delicious enough to publicize and glamorize a relationship with an unhealthy power dynamic?

Ehh...no.


-Bethy