Same Love

In our last class on Monday, my policy and systems professor, who is absolutely amazing (and one of the most academically recognized and respected people I know) spoke to the class about the importance of the food systems analysis we'd been trying to understand all semester.

She spoke about human rights and human right to food and water.  She's been working on high profile cases for years, and is well known in human rights advocate circles.

And then she spoke passionately about the civil rights movement, and how she had watched it, from the beginning, and seen it transform the world.

And all I could think of was this:

I hope that some day, and some day soon, the pockets of people that believe that others cannot love whoever they want will not exist.  Until that happens, I will fight for love - anyone and everyone's love.

Love, Bethy

PROcrastinator!

Anyone who knows me will not be surprised by this, but for all of the rest of you, let it be known that I fully admit that I have the potential to procrastinate for an EXCRUCIATINGLY long time.

...and now that I've cleared my inbox, send emails and/or facebook messages to pretty much everyone I know, scoped out some of my college acquaintances' wedding photos, drank my entire cup of coffee, and gone to the bathroom, I am ready to start finishing my paper that was due an embarrassing number of days ago.

FML.

different time, same place

No one talks about
the chances you didn't take
the things you didn't say
the "wait..." that never came

No one seems to realize
the hesitation is sometimes
the most important part
of it all

That it's hard to say
Words that stick in your throat
don't ever come out as easily
as you want them too

trying to use "I need"s and "I feel"s
in order not to offend
when all you really want to do is scream
and shake
and sob
and know why

Being here before doesn't make it easier
if anything, it's harder to look around and realize
you're back
and the landscape hasn't changed

Still stuck
still ending up in this place
even though circumstances couldn't be more different
the question asks itself:

Is it me?

one of THOSE posts...

you know, those really annoying ones where the person is all "I'm mad at this person for something", and then you're all "oooohh, what happened??" and then they're all "I don't want to talk about it", or even better "omg.  so crazy.  I'll message you..."

Um HELLO?!?!?!  You're posting all that shit all over the internets and NOW you're trying to be bashful about what the FUCK you're talking about??

Well, ok, this post won't be that bad... (I hope...)

BUT I do have some questions about how people my age (roughly 25...ish...ok, let's say people in their mid 20s to mid 30s) communicate intensions in this day and age.  I don't know exactly when, in the last few years I have noticed that I've become both more aware of my strong personal feelings about people and circumstances, and that I've become less nervous/uneasy about sharing those feelings with others (especially when it involves them).  I've been told that that's just "growing up", and that everyone goes through that.

As a 25 year old single, straight woman, I have found that there are MANY young men my age who do NOT subscribe to knowing how they feel and sharing that openly.  It's frustrating.  I'm ready to live my life openly in that way - when I know something, and I feel something for real, I'm gonna fucking say it.  And I'm gonna fucking mean it.  Don't waste my time with bullshit, and, more than that, if you don't have something real to say, please, please PLEASE for the love of God, don't say anything at all.

I know that the stereotype of women is that we read things into everything.  Yes.  We do.  Get fucking used to it.  If you say certain things, I will think that you mean something to that end.  And come ON!  This is not just me, this is a lot of people...

I guess just all I wanna say is "what the fuck?"

And also, that I'm sorry for this turning out to be one of those posts...it was.  I admit it.  And now I'm done.  (And I promise I'll never do it again, I swear - haha)

Love, Bethy

Musical Punctuation

     Yesterday, I had a long day.  A very long day.

     And, to be honest, I didn't start it the most well-rested...Monday night, I slept in four to five 20-30 minute increments trying to finish papers for school, so by Tuesday morning, I was getting pretty loopy already.

     I got to work a few minutes early and sucked down some coffee before getting on the truck.  Normally, I work from 8 to 4, but I had a dentist appointment at 4:15 all the way across town, so I left the truck at 3:00.

     Now generally, after I leave work, I am so exhausted I can hardly stand, much less focus on anything, and this time, though I left early, I was just trying to get to the dentist on time.  I got on the red line from work, transferred at Park St, and instead of getting on the green line home, I walked to Downtown Crossing, relishing the warm air in the underground tunnel that normally is stifling and too hot, as it seeped into my bones.  (One thing that I didn't think about when I got the job on the food truck was, um, winter.  It's freaking cold on that truck.)

     So I'm standing on the Platform for the orange line towards Forest Hills.  This particular train/station is pretty well known for having at least one homeless man with a guitar wailing a Jesus-themed song (usually quite badly) at the top of his lungs.  And as I looked around with my glassy eyes, I saw a man...with a guitar...sitting and preparing to sing.  I anticipated the worst.

     ...and I received a gift.

     This man started playing the guitar, and some of the most beautiful music I've ever heard poured out of it.  His playing was technically good, but more than that, there was such emotion and soul coming out of his instrument.

     And all I could do was stand and watch him, and wait for my train.  And I'm sure that if I didn't have to get to the dentist, I would have missed the next one that came, on purpose just to listen to this man for longer.  The tension started pouring out of me, and I just stood.

     The rest of the day was not quite as stress-free as I would have liked it to be...but at the end of the day, that music, just for the few minutes that it was in my life, took a day that could have been all stress, and punctuated it with music.  It was beautiful, it was life-giving, and it was a perhaps not-so-subtle reminder that maybe I should ride the orange line more often...

Love, Bethy

Dry Fall

It was a dry fall

Hardly enough rain to satisfy her Northwest roots

The leaves crunched under her feet as they pounded down the pavement

She watched him leave

Bag slung over his shoulder like a jaunty cowboy

It was a sight she was familiar with

She’d seen it before.

Too many times before.

It must have been love

Or something just like it

Because she’d never wanted something so badly

And been willing to work as hard as she possibly could for it.

The fear that it still wouldn’t be enough was paralyzing

And she couldn’t breathe for fear of upsetting a delicate balance

 - one that in reality, hadn’t existed for a while…

At the end, it turned out to be a waiting game

Continuing to go on, waiting to see when their paths would cross again

Always waiting waiting waiting for something that would just happen

Spontaneously, as if neither of them had any control

It was a dry fall

And she turned away from him walking away from her.

She couldn’t watch it again

For fear that her tears would trigger the rain.

imaginary futures

It is strange to meet someone, to know someone that you can see your life with.  Your entire life.  Marriage and babies and old age - forever and ever amen.  It happens with more frequency than we realize, and for every time two people meet and develop expectations for each other, there have to be many many more who end up parting ways than those who stay together.

And it's a strange feeling - to feel the connection so intensely with someone that you not only can see the next hour, the next day, the next year with them, but the next decade and beyond...  To see a lifetime, perhaps not the where or what, but the with whom.  It is exciting - and terrifying.  It takes us out of our selfish selves, wanting to give for someone else - to meld lives, even at the risk of sacrificing for yourself.  To meet someone who complements your personality in those intricate and special ways...it can feel like a fairy tale.

Yet, it's not always that happy ending.  For whatever reason, it doesn't always work, and sometimes that is for the better, sometimes not.  But it doesn't stop that feeling of the future you say being ripped away from you, being replaced by a vast dark nothingness.  Of fear, of doubt, of unknowing how to continue to move forward.  Like most things, it will just take time.  Lots of time.  Time to forget those things that made you see in the first place the next forty, fifty, sixty years.  Time to distract yourself with other things, other people, to try to relearn how to do those everyday things that used to remind you of that person.  To cut ties to him or her, literally if you have to.

It is more than love that creates this feeling - perhaps a childish fantasy of a "happily ever after" instilled in us by society.  To meet the person you think could be "the one" - even if it's the 100th "the one" you've met, never feels like less than breathtaking, never seems less than miraculous.

And you must learn to breathe again, learn to break from the autopilot that is all too easy to snap into as a reaction to this loss.  To build a future for yourself in your head - one in which that other person doesn't exist, one in which you take back your preferences - no longer needing to compromise.  It is hard.  It.  Is.  Hard.

There are questions I don't know the answer to anymore.  There are pieces of myself that I had left behind that I struggle to find again, and pick up.  And there is a hole.  I believe that in time, much of it will heal - but not all.  Having never done this before, I do not know, but I imagine that there will be a part of me that cannot heal, a part that will always stay in that mystical future that long ago faded away. I'm not going to be ashamed of it - a sign that I loved and I lost.

What my own future holds now is a mystery, yet to come.

new birthday goals

So, I know it's been a while.  I wrote this post about a month ago and it got deleted, and then, in the grand tradition of giving up on things that frustrate me, to retaliate, I didn't blog at all for a while.  (Because yes, in my mind, I'm "getting back" at the blog for erasing my post...ok, don't ask...).  Anyway - I realize that I never posted a 25 of 25, and then I got exhausted trying to think about 25 appropriate and reasonable things I could post about.  And instead, I'm going to do 5.  5 things I want to do before turning 26.  And they're going to be reasonable, and fun, and I'm actually going to try really hard to do all of them.  Here we go -

5 before 26

1.  Learn how to french braid my own hair.  I have always been jealous of people who can do this - I've tried many times, but given up soon after.
2.  Purchase a pig, and kill it myself.  Straight off my list from last year.  There's only a few places in the country that have programs where you by the whole pig and then they teach you how to slaughter it, and then butcher it into meal sized portions.
3.  Run a marathon within a month of my 26th birthday.  ...I guess this one is worded a little strange.  I want to run a marathon in July 2013.  26 miles for 26 years seems pretty poetic, right?
4.  Start an etsy shop for Silver Hilltop Designs.  I still have all those earrings from last year, and craft fairs are sometimes hard to break into.  I'll keep everyone updated on my progress on this one (and then I'll be your biggest jewelry-pushing friend you know, haha).
5.  Find peace in/with an old relationship/an old residence/an old experience that I haven't been able to let go.  Hardest to track, perhaps hardest to complete - but I'm finding that as I still am living a (mostly) nomadic life, leaving people and places and experiences behind, it's harder and harder to not get bitter about things that haven't worked out for one reason or another.  And I don't want to be bitter.  It sucks the life out of you, and I need all my energy to deal with my own life as it is.  :)

So we'll see how this goes!

Love, Bethy

Results of the 24 of 24...

A year ago, I set 24 goals for myself - just to see what would happen.  I'm not sure I thought I would be able to do all of them, but at least with 24 I was bound to get one or two done within the course of the year.  Now that I'm 25, let's see how things shook out...

The 24 of 24

1. Blog at least once a week

      Hahahahaha - well, this DEFINITELY didn't happen.  At all.  I got a little better at the beginning of 2012, but there was so much going on, blogging didn't make the cut of important things (ya know, like finding a job in North Carolina and having enough money to pay for groceries)...

2. Do some kind of exercise at least 20 minutes a day

    Also no - although I did run a 10 mile race in May, and am currently training for a sprint Tri in August.

3. Learn how to sew well enough to make a (cute) skirt

    Nope.  Wow, I'm not doing to well here, am I?

4. Win a game of Settlers of Catan

      0/4.  Although, honestly, after I moved away from Bethel, Chris and I didn't have access to the game at all, so....ok, yeah, still didn't do it.  

5. Successfully craft something and sell it

    YES!  Over the fall I turned my depression over being unemployed with no money and Gus just dying into making earrings until my fingers bled and watching the entire series of Frasier on Netflix - I went to one craft fair in December of 2011, and sold almost $200 worth of earrings.  It was so amazing to see people look at something that I had made and then PAY me for it!  I'm considering opening an etsy shop...I've still got hundreds of pairs already made and ready for you to wear!  :)

6. Allow Chris to teach me one outdoor activity and do it with him on some sort of consistent basis

    I feel like this one is a yes and a no.  There wasn't much consistency going on in Boone - mostly because I had a wack schedule that I had no control over, and Chris had a school schedule that couldn't have been any more full.  However - we did go on hikes as much as we could, and I do actually feel like I have a new and better appreciation for hiking than I did before...so this one's not a complete bust, haha.

7. Make a batch of homemade cheese

    You know, I totally forgot about this one - and completely coincidentally about 3 weeks ago, I made homemade ricotta just because I found the recipe and it looked fun.  Turns out, it was heaven in a bowl - so I spiced it up and made lasagna the next week.  Best.  Ever.  

8. Brew my own beer

    Didn't get to this one.  And honestly, I doubt that I'll be able to for a while while I'm in Boston...but you never know...

9. Purchase a pig and kill it myself

     I would have gotten this one if it wasn't so damn expensive.  But I'm not giving up.  This is getting directly translated to my 25 of 25.

10. Successfully grow a garden

    Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.  no.

11. Make homemade powdered hot chocolate packets

    I did do this one.  Once.  Turns out, I couldn't find any powdered milk that wasn't nonfat.  And that while it did make hot cocoa, the milk wouldn't melt right, and it just didn't work the way I wanted it to - so did do it, but won't be doing it again.

12. Live with a dog

     I got to do this one for a month...the last week of which was the hardest week ever.  Gus died in September, so our time together was sweet, but way way WAY too short...

13. Visit the Four Corners

       Yes!  When Chris and I took the big trek out to Boone, I had a laundry list of places I wanted to see and the Four Corners (where Utah, Colorado, Arizona, and New Mexico all meet) was on there.  I took my jumprope, and jumped in every state and then over all the state lines.  It.  Was.  Awesome.

14. Make a rug out of knotted T-shirt remnants
     Nope.  No details, just nope.

15. Reunite with my four Newark JVC roommates
     I did do this - Kelli got married in November, so we all got together and spent 3 days of absolute madness all over NYC/NJ.  It was a very Newark trip, complete with suits two sizes too small, hangovers that were almost killed us, and exposed boobs in the church parking lot.  Oh dear.  It was the best.

16. Do an overnight backpacking trip with Chris
     We didn't get a chance to do this one - we tried, but with his schedule and my schedule, it just never happened.  I'm still hoping that we can sometime, but life just gets too damn busy...we'll see...

17. Get fitted for a bra that actually fits me
     Yeah right...this probably still needs to be a goal....

18. Make a homemade facial mask
     Honestly, I'm a little surprised that I didn't get to this one - I have been doing a lot more of this kind of stuff, so really, if I had remembered, I probably would have done it, but I didn't.  Oh well.

19. Perfect my braided challah recipe
     Nope.

20. Hug at least one person everyday
     I tried on this one - living in Boone, it was pretty hard, so probably I didn't get one EVERYday, but I go a little nuts if I don't get enough hugs, so...

21. Own (and actually use) a Neti-Pot
      No.

22. Run another half marathon in less time than 2:11
     I didn't get to one this summer - I did a 10 mile in May, but no half.  :(

23. Take a picture that gets published somewhere
     Nope.

24. Never go to bed angry
     HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Yeah right.  Honorable effort on that one, but let's be real...

How I did:  8/24.  
How I might have done if I had actually looked at this list at some point during the year and tried to do some of the things: probably around 15 or 16...

Basically, I just need to remember that things like this are here - otherwise it's just pretty random what I'm crossing off and what I'm not...

Ehh...shall I make a 25 list??

Love, Bethy

From winter to summer...

It's been forever.  Well...if not forever, then at least two seasons.  In these two seasons, I have...

1.  Been accepted to graduate school, and chosen to attend Boston University for a Master of Liberal Arts in Gastronomy with a concentration in Food Policy!

2.  Mastered making a cappuccino.

3.  Quit my job at Earth Fare, and said goodbye to Boone, NC.

4.  Moved back in with my parents in Lacey, WA.

5.  Undertaken my parents' 1 acre absolute mess of a backyard as my "summer job".

6.  Made homemade ricotta (it's easier than you think it is, and tastes like heaven!)

...I'm sure there's more, but that's for another post.  (Along with my results of 24 of 24 that I posted last year as I was turning 24.  I'll be 25 in about a week and a half - probably I'll come up with another list of things to do, haha.)

Love, Bethy

a list

1. Friends are awesome and I would never want to go without them.

2. The older I get, the more I feel like I need my mother when things actually get difficult.

3. Whitney Houston's version of "I Will Always Love You" absolutely informed my childhood in a huge way, and I will always love it better than the Dolly Parton version.

4. I never thought, in my wildest dreams that I would walk into a Panera, order a bagel plain and a cup of hot water because 2oz. of cream cheese and a cup of coffee were too expensive.

5. Montana State University application is IN!

6. Gotta go, or I'll be late for work!

Love, Bethy

Roller Derby

These are the reasons I want to be involved in Roller Derby:

1. It looks so amazingly kick ass I want to scream.

2. You get to knock people down.

3. Yelling and intimidation are part of the sport, and I'm already good at those things.

4. Your own roller derby name...and double entendre names are double as good.

5. The women who do roller derby are of all shapes and of all sizes. Like, for reals. None of that "athletic body type" bullcrap.

6. ANY REASON TO WEAR FISHNETS AND SHORTY-SHORTS. AND GARISH MAKEUP. WHILE EXERCISING.

These are the reasons why I have not yet joined a team:

1. I don't have any local and consistent health insurance.

My friend Matt is a roller derby ref in Juneau, AK. Check out this video and tell me that you can't just SEE me out there knocking girls to the ground...

Mornings

I can hear the birds chirping. Loudly. And honestly, as anyone who has ever lived with me knows, that is absolutely not normal. I am as big of a tried and true night owl as anyone has ever been, and damn proud of it. But this morning, despite falling into bed at 2am, I awoke early, with Chris as he was running out the door to an early class. And I will admit there is something to seeing the sun crest over the mountains, coloring the lawn to ready the world for the day. And it wasn't until I heard the birds singing that I realized how I so rarely hear them.

The application to NYU is due Wednesday. I suppose I'm freaking out about it enough that I don't even know what to do with myself. I've freaked myself out into a calm-like state of perpetual anxiety. That sounds like an oxymoron, but I promise you - it's not. It just leads to completely random screaming and crying in some attempt to let out a volcano of pent up emotions somewhat akin to pouring boiling vinegar into a bottle of baking soda. BOOM. Random and explosive...just ask Chris.

Of course, everything that should have been done weeks ago isn't completely finished. I pray that my Canadian transcripts get here soon, and that NYU has a third-person grace period. Other than that, I'm relying on lots of prayer. (Hey - I'm at least super-proud of myself that I managed to ask for letters of recommendation in a timely manner - if that's not a bonus, I don't know what is!) But seriously folks - if actually going to grad school is half as hard as applying to grad school, I might just do ok. :)

Of course, after Wednesday, the work isn't over. Montana State's deadline is Feb. 15th, and Boston's is March 1. Antioch accepts applications on a rolling basis, but I'd like to get them all done roughly the same time so I'm not dragging it out, so I've given myself a deadline of March 15th for Antioch.

I started my new Canadian class too, and HOO-BOY, it's a doozey! I'm not sure that I've had to read anything that dense since college, and, because I was a Performing Arts and Theology major, possibly not even then. I opened my assigned chapter on Food Policy, and found myself having to look up economics terms on Wikipedia to make it through the introduction to the chapter. Wikipedia was a little bit of help...until under the definition of the word, I found a math problem. WHAT?!?!?! A math problem?!?!?! WTF is going on here? Ugh. It was a rough night last night.

In other news, Chris got accepted to an internship in Anchorage this summer. He'll be leaving probably early May, and may not be back until right before school starts in August. That leaves me with more possibilities than I thought for the summer. And, as of right now, that what it all is - with nothing set in stone, all I have is possibility. It's terrifying. Just as it's been every. time. Every year, every change, every time. It's exciting, yes. It's scary, yes. And though I grow weary of it, I wouldn't deny my callings just to stay put. And I hope and pray that I will know when that time presents itself to stay somewhere. I hope I recognize it. Because I'm not really sure I've experienced it before. Ever.

blogging (and other things)

I get annoyed when people don't update their blogs.

...yes, I know. I don't update my blog very often. I actually think about blogging more than I do it. It's a problem. But, I like...scratch that...LOVE reading other people's blogs. (Mostly people I know, I don't know, it makes it feel a little less voyeuristic to me). And if I check, and you haven't updated your blog, there's a tiny little piece of me that feels sad. Lame, but true.

ANYWAY, the key to that whole piece there is that I will try to make a concerted effort to blog a little more consistently, just in case there's another wacko like me out there who really feels the need to read my ramblings on a semi-regular basis.

So, recently life has been crazy (no surprise there). Really crazy. I did take the GRE a few days ago. It went ok actually. I mean, I threw myself into a test designed to evaluate one's readiness for graduate studies asking questions about formulas that I haven't even given a second thought about since my senior year of high school. I studied math I haven't seen for 6 years for 6 days before the test. I didn't blow it out of the water, but I was pretty impressed with my score, considering. (Who remembers that one of the "special" right triangles has a ratio of 5:12:13 and has two thumbs??)

THIS GUY!

I also have worn red lipstick 3 times already in the new year! I completely love it, and am so excited that I made that one of my new year's resolutions!!

I also have signed up for another class in my Canadian certificate program. Initially, I wasn't going to - last semester turned out to be a little bit of a clusterfuck in terms of getting everything in, and I definitely wasn't as prepared or present for the class as I should have been. However, I made a little bit of a last minute decision, and signed up on Friday. The class started today, and after reading all the course materials, I know that it's going to be more difficult than the others have been. However, I think that it could be very rewarding as well. And, all in all, it's good preparation for...

Grad school.

Yes, I'm applying to grad school (which is a big part of the "life is crazy" bit). In between working, taking my class, trying to train, and attempting to keep my house warm (and that's the subject of another post entirely) I'm contacting references, ordering transcripts, and working on personal statements for four different grad programs. Now, applying to one grad school is tough. There's a lot that goes into the application, and working with other people's recommendations, and deadlines, and essays...it's a lot. With four, I want to smash my head into a brick wall. Of course, with four different applications comes four different essays, ordering enough transcripts from both USF and St. Lawrence (my Canadian classes), and a dazzling 10 recommendations (3 each for 2 schools, 2 each for the other two). Now, I'd like to think that I would be able to handle that, but here's the rub: every single program has a different format for their recommendations. There's the one with the online form that can only be accessed by registering my recommenders into a website. There's the two schools that have forms that have to be printed and sent in by paper copy, but have completely. different. questions. And then there's the school that just asks for a "letter of recommendation". That's it. No requirements, no guidelines, no nothing. Just a letter.

Trying to work out who I should ask for each school, in each format, by each due date is dizzying. And I really hope that I can get it all done in time. I'll have to write another blog about the programs I'm applying to another time.

And with that, I'm going to go get on that. Because it's almost 10pm, I'm exhausted, my house is a mess, and I have a personal statement to write, haha.

Until next time, (hopefully not too long!)

Bethy

What up GRE?

Ok. I did it. Because if now now, then I would put it off forever. GRE is scheduled! ...in a week. Holy shit, time to get cracking! :)

number 7

RED LIPSTICK!

succeeding at my resolutions already!! :)

Love, Bethy

Resolutions

I don't always do too well with my New Year's Resolutions. I tend to make a lot of them, so that if I achieve two or three, I feel that I've accomplished something. This time, I've been thinking about what I want to do in 2012, and I want to do them all. These are not crackpot goals - these are things I need to do in order to become the person that I want to be growing to be. So without further ado...

2012 New Year's Resolutions

1. I WILL WRITE

I will write in my journal, I will write on my blog, I will write letters, I will write poetry, I will work on that novel about my screwed up love life that I started in high school. I will write because though I've been told I'm a good writer, I have never fully believed it, and I have allowed my insecurities from years ago hold me back. No more. In 2012, I will write.

2. I WILL TAKE THE GRE AND APPLY FOR GRADUATE SCHOOL.

...even if I'm not planning to go right now, or don't think I could possibly get in. It's time. It's been three and a half years since I graduated from USF, and my patience with jobs that have little to nothing to do with what I want to do with my life is growing thin. It's time to get learned again, Marybeth. In 2012, I will take the GRE and apply for grad school.

3. I WILL USE UP HEALTH AND BEAUTY PRODUCTS THAT I ALREADY OWN.

If I had a dollar for every little bottle of lotion that I have saved because "I'll use it someday", I wouldn't need to work for my rent money. This year, I will use up those things, and only buy more when what I have is totally gone. Finished. Done. In 2012, I will use up products I already own.

4. I WILL MAKE EXERCISE PART OF MY LIFE.

I struggled with how to word this one, because I honestly want to be able to make it work. Promising daily exercise, while sounding great, in reality doesn't always end up happening, even if I try. I want to have a healthier relationship with my body and my weight, and a new year affords me a chance to start that anew. For years, I have wanted to be one of those girls who works out when she's stressed - no promises on that, but I want to get closer to that than I am now. In 2012, I will exercise.

5. I WILL FLIRT WITH VEGETARIANISM.

I love meat. When I was little, my mother called me her "little carnivore", so I'm not trying to go completely veg here. But the environmental implications of the meat-centered American diet are impossible to ignore. We eat too much meat (I mean, let's be real, we eat too much everything but that includes our obsession with meat at the center of our plates.) As I explore the food world through school, all I find is that I keep thinking of how the world could be healthier (and more people in it could eat) if we all ate a little less meat. It's time to walk the talk. In 2012, I will flirt with vegetarianism.

6. I WILL GIVE YOGA A GOOD HONEST TRY.

And by this, I mean that I will do yoga at least every other day for one month this year, and see if I like it at the end to keep doing it. Yoga is something that I always think I will like, and the times when I do it, I love it - but I have such a hard time committing to any form of exercise. In 2012, I will try yoga.

and last but definitely not least...

7. I WILL WEAR RED LIPSTICK.

...because for years, I have wanted to be someone who can pull that off. ...because I think it looks gorgeous, and I don't want to be so concerned about looking "too fancy". ...and because I wore it last night at the bar I went to for New Years, and for the first time in my life, a stranger offered to buy me a drink. In 2012, I will wear red lipstick.

Love, Bethy