Mornings

I can hear the birds chirping. Loudly. And honestly, as anyone who has ever lived with me knows, that is absolutely not normal. I am as big of a tried and true night owl as anyone has ever been, and damn proud of it. But this morning, despite falling into bed at 2am, I awoke early, with Chris as he was running out the door to an early class. And I will admit there is something to seeing the sun crest over the mountains, coloring the lawn to ready the world for the day. And it wasn't until I heard the birds singing that I realized how I so rarely hear them.

The application to NYU is due Wednesday. I suppose I'm freaking out about it enough that I don't even know what to do with myself. I've freaked myself out into a calm-like state of perpetual anxiety. That sounds like an oxymoron, but I promise you - it's not. It just leads to completely random screaming and crying in some attempt to let out a volcano of pent up emotions somewhat akin to pouring boiling vinegar into a bottle of baking soda. BOOM. Random and explosive...just ask Chris.

Of course, everything that should have been done weeks ago isn't completely finished. I pray that my Canadian transcripts get here soon, and that NYU has a third-person grace period. Other than that, I'm relying on lots of prayer. (Hey - I'm at least super-proud of myself that I managed to ask for letters of recommendation in a timely manner - if that's not a bonus, I don't know what is!) But seriously folks - if actually going to grad school is half as hard as applying to grad school, I might just do ok. :)

Of course, after Wednesday, the work isn't over. Montana State's deadline is Feb. 15th, and Boston's is March 1. Antioch accepts applications on a rolling basis, but I'd like to get them all done roughly the same time so I'm not dragging it out, so I've given myself a deadline of March 15th for Antioch.

I started my new Canadian class too, and HOO-BOY, it's a doozey! I'm not sure that I've had to read anything that dense since college, and, because I was a Performing Arts and Theology major, possibly not even then. I opened my assigned chapter on Food Policy, and found myself having to look up economics terms on Wikipedia to make it through the introduction to the chapter. Wikipedia was a little bit of help...until under the definition of the word, I found a math problem. WHAT?!?!?! A math problem?!?!?! WTF is going on here? Ugh. It was a rough night last night.

In other news, Chris got accepted to an internship in Anchorage this summer. He'll be leaving probably early May, and may not be back until right before school starts in August. That leaves me with more possibilities than I thought for the summer. And, as of right now, that what it all is - with nothing set in stone, all I have is possibility. It's terrifying. Just as it's been every. time. Every year, every change, every time. It's exciting, yes. It's scary, yes. And though I grow weary of it, I wouldn't deny my callings just to stay put. And I hope and pray that I will know when that time presents itself to stay somewhere. I hope I recognize it. Because I'm not really sure I've experienced it before. Ever.